pick up your pen: don’t miss what your heart is saying
I read older poems I’ve written and try to find myself in them. They feel vaguely foreign, memories of writing faded and far away. It makes me feel strange to read them, making me wonder about the intersection of heart and mind and truth and imagination when we write.
What motivated those words and ideas? Why communicate them? Why write them down? Did the ideas exist before I wrote them? Or did they come into being only through my writing–meaning they would not have existed if I never wrote them at all?
Is what we create something that remains a part of us? An articulation of the heart and mind upon a page? Or is what we’ve created separate from us, an unowned thing the moment we set down our ideas and move them from brain to heart to public view?
And what does it mean when the words come more easily than others? Are the ones that come fast, with seemingly little effort, more true than the ones born from hard-pressed work, the result of blood, sweat and tears? How do we measure the ache to articulate ourselves even when we worry we have nothing really to say?
Sometimes the words for me come easily. But this usually happens when I am writing regularly, my mind sharpened and ready to articulate ideas. And this past week, I didn’t push myself to write creatively. No journal entries. No poetry. I did write to complete assignments–emails and social media posts. But I didn’t do the deeper work of checking my heart and giving it voice. Did it have something to say and I missed it? Will I forever be missing a part of me because I didn’t honor the ever-present opportunity to dig deeper into who I am and what God has for me? After all, can’t writing that taps into the deepest places in us be a form of prayer?
I think there is value in the struggle of writing, especially when it is hard. Writing that prompts contemplation leads us to a deeper discovery of our selves. How you feel matters. What you think matters. There is so much we miss when we go from one moment to the next, day after day, week after week, without pausing and considering how what we feel and think leads to our actions, things we take for granted unless we live with intention and purpose each day.
It sounds strange, I know, but when I sat down today and opened a notebook I had not written in for a whole week, I felt like I had missed something. For a whole week, I didn’t pause and stop to listen to what my heart had to say. I wonder what it felt? I wonder what I could have learned?
We have much to discover in the search for true words. Let’s keep leaning in, full of wonder and expectation, knowing that what we have to say–even to just ourselves–is worth listening to. Writing is one of the tools of self-awareness, opening us up to deeper healing. It matters.
For the Loop Poetry Project this week, write a poem that reflects an exploration of your heart–a deeper awareness birthed from the processing of your feelings. What has happened to you this week that has caused you to feel emotion? Return to that moment. Enter into it again and examine it. Go deeper. Pause and feel the emotions that surface. Describe the realization that comes from the examination of how and why you have thought and felt the way you did. And if you can’t figure out why you feel or think the way you do, write about that–the confusion, the lack of clarity, the mystery you long (or don’t long) to uncover.
Share your poem here, in the comments below, or in the private Facebook group, Loop Poetry Project. I can’t wait to learn what you think about this topic and what your experience was like diving in!
*You can read my poem below, as well as the prayer I felt moved to pray in response to it.
love,
jennifer
The Convincing
There are parts of me I want to keep separate
from every person in the world
—let them remain
untouchable, perhaps,
though not preserved in a false state
with no need to be improved.
It feels less complicated somehow
to let selfishness do its work:
pull the parts away, discourage joining
(where they may enjoy cohabitation)
even if this means convincing
myself over and over that
I don’t need you; being alone
is the first thing I never need to die.
Father, rid me of this attitude of self-preservation. Rid me of this lie that I must self-focus in order to survive. It has been my idol since I was a child. Take it now. You are my protector, not me. You have made me more capable of love–of loving people–than I have let myself realize. I want to enter into the new place of trusting You more than myself. Release me from my self-prison. I step out now, throwing away the key.
11 Comments
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Beautiful poem and one I can relate to very well. Thank you for being vulnerable.
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This is beautiful and so vulnerable. I don’t know how to do that. I struggle with self reflection. I need to be able to do this but I’m not sure how.
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Michelle, I don’t know if this is helpful, but what I do (when I’m healthy and choose to deal with it) is sit with a feeling or situation and consider – what does it cause me to feel & think? What false beliefs do my actions reveal? Can I trace this emotion to other situations, is it a pattern? What is true and what is a false assumption? Or if I can’t think clearly I just ask God to show me something about it that will help me process.
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I really love your poetry Jennifer you are a light that shines in the dark. Thankyou so much for your writing based on God. God bless you.
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I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability that is so relatable. Beautiful words!
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Wow, this is inspiring me to write again! I miss hearing God’s voice in those quieter moments when I choose to write with Him.
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Sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode with the rumblings from my mind. Relentless thoughts and overpowering obsessions. Never does it help me to ruminate in them or overly process the same Thought that holds no Weight. I get stuck in the trying to figure out what it all
Means. I forget that all I need to do is stop thinking and start praying. I like to try and control my Mind and all the venom that makes its way into my head through the evil one. I forget that I don’t need to make room for those thoughts. And the clarity I’m looking for always finds me when I stop the whirlwind of thoughts and just Be. Breathe and Pray. And Listen. God has my answers. If only I can slow down my thoughts and My days to hear them. I’ve had some huge changes in my life recently. And being overly sensitive to others feelings, they have started to make me feel sad for them. And that’s ok. But I don’t need to sit in that pain. I can Notice it and feel it. But anything more would be doing more harm than good. I get lost in my feelings and my thoughts. My search for answers and understanding lead me to reminiscing more than is helpful. That’s when I need to pray to God to take my self from me and fill me with His Love and His will.
The tangible writing of this answers those questions. It Opens up my heart and clears my mind of the clutter that begins to form when I’m searching for the answers. It’s a beautiful thing
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Sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode with the rumblings from my mind. Relentless thoughts and overpowering obsessions. Never does it help me to ruminate in them or overly process the same Thought that holds no Weight. I get stuck in the trying to figure out what it all
Means. I forget that all I need to do is stop thinking and start praying. I like to try and control my Mind and all the venom that makes its way into my head through the evil one. I forget that I don’t need to make room for those thoughts. And the clarity I’m looking for always finds me when I stop the whirlwind of thoughts and just Be. Breathe and Pray. And Listen. God has my answers. If only I can slow down my thoughts and My days to hear them. I’ve had some huge changes in my life recently. And being overly sensitive to others feelings, they have started to make me feel sad for them. And that’s ok. But I don’t need to sit in that pain. I cain Notice it and feel it. But anything more would be doing more harm than good. I get lost in my feelings and my thoughts. My search for answers and understanding lead me to reminiscing more than is helpful. That’s when I need to pray to God to take my self from me and fill me with His Love and His will.
The tangible writing of this answers those questions. It Opens up my heart and clears my mind of the clutter that begins to form when I’m searching for the answers. It’s a beautiful thing
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Margot thank you for sharing. This really made me think about some of the things that I have allowed to be buried and I need to let them resurface so I can continue to heal and rise up to be who God has called me to be. I am more than enough. He has great plans for me.
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I too, want to enter the place of trusting God. It’s hard for me to relinquish control,although I’ve never been in control anyway. To hold onto control is not believing in an all powerful God who is able to guide and direct me in everything I do. My family means everything to me. My grandsons, I adore. What kind of world will they grow up in? Viruses, hate, protest, division are all works of Satan. We must love and listen. We must vote for godly people in office. Help me to Mother those who are hurt no matter who they are. I have a trained voice, let me use it. I need divine health, compassion for others, and the boldness to make a difference. I’m reaching heavenward for this to rain down on me as never before.
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Jenifer your poem really touched me and you made it feel like you was reading my thoughts something that I always had hiding in my closet where nobody can find it. I wanna you to know I love your prayer and I needed that prayer for myself thank you for your poem and your prayer may God continue to bless you in a mighty way, I was truly blessed by it.