loss and gain: what you are missing now & how writing about it helps
On this day, Good Friday, I have few words, and I almost wondered if I would have anything to share with you here. In the space of waiting for the good I know is coming (and the good already here), I am grateful for His peace that settles upon me and in me. My heart is quieted. I am not in a state of disturbance or irritation. I am not fearful or worried. My heart aches for the world–and I pray, asking how He wants me to respond.
This dialogue with God unfolds throughout these days, and I know immediately whether or not I am keeping my eyes focused on God. Writing what I think and feel is heightening my awareness of my heart. I process, in paragraphs and poems, the loss and gain of this strange time, due to COVID-19: social distancing from people we love; feeling financial strain; choosing to surrender, over and over, what we cannot control.
Will you consider with me this week what you feel you have lost (emotionally, relationally, financially, physically) and/or what you feel you have gained? What has been hard? What are you learning? What is surprising for you? What is disappointing or difficult to bear? What are you surrendering? What are you picking up?
As you write, don’t worry about having answers to your questions. Write the questions. Write the observations. Write the moments that have stretched you. Write the emotions that describe the status of your heart.
Below is one of the poems I wrote this week that has helped me surrender the weight of what I have been feeling.
the good mad kind
What do you do upon waking
and realize the whole world has gone mad?
You wonder if you misread the signs—
one moment after another pressing in too close
so there is little space
that deep exhale
between one interaction and another:
mind and heart colliding
with a silent crash where
injuries are the invisible kind
until they are not,
manifesting in noise unnatural
the roar of machines and arguments to
improve/advance
bob/weave
push/prove
until the best parts of us
the desire for all things
beautiful and good
stays hidden and must pause.
Consider the possibility of finding
these things within us all along.
Can we bear it? The stopping
to see it,
the magnificence of light
on your face,
the fresh air after rain,
the song of your voice
in the silence crying, crying out
in wonder at being loved
without doing a thing to prove
we are worth being here?
Please join in (in the comments below) and share your experience of writing recently–whether your writing has been in the form of a poem or in a paragraph(s) of thoughts. We would love to learn from you and connect with you here. Another place to connect is in the private Facebook page for Loop Poetry Project. Click right here to join the sweet community there.
bless you, this Good Friday, dear friends,
jennifer
12 Comments
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I have finally made some peace with myself and God.. I’ve finally accepted the things what I cannot control which is .. cOVID-19 virus, my husband and my separation , my sons special needs , and our future. the deep breathing is lighter the snow has melted. The sun looks brighter.
Routine with my son is better and his anxiety is at a low .. we laugh more and worry less knowing letting go brings freedom. It’s not always easy but it’s a good teaching moment.
As the night closes .. I lay in my bed alone and I look up at the ceiling and I give Thanks to GoD for all things in the easy and hard times of my day..🦋
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Dear Kimmi, I am so sorry. You are beautiful in your choice to seek what is good, right in front of you, as a means of healing, with Jesus. Bless you as He restores you. Praying now for all the good plans He has for you, just ahead, to be realized soon. Much love, Jennifer
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Thank you so much Jennifer! I really enjoy all your writings they are so heart felt and speaks to my spirit. Have A Blessed Easter with your loved ones.
In Christ
Kimmi 🦋
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Thank you, Kimmi! You too! Bless you!
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My first deeply felt prayer in the morning comes from what I just read in the Bible. Before I read I ask God to speak to me through His Word an He does ( always) and I speak to Him through His Word. It’s always a powerful prayer. Sometimes I start writing my prayer down and words come out of that pen that I didn’t even plan. I find it amazing.
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Hi Brenda, that is so beautiful. Such sacred and kind, the two of you together each morning. Such an encouraging remember of His faithfulness and the opportunity we have to pursue a deeper relationship with Him. (He is always available and loves deeper union with us!) Thank you so much.
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I’ve lost control. And I’ve lost my routine. My routine has been a comfort. And my control, well, I’m learning that has been a false sense of comfort anyhow. The One has all Power and control, and I just have my routine. So I’ve made a new routine. One that differs slightly on the outside, but inside my heart it remains the same. It focuses on growing with my Lord and Savior. And for that I am grateful everyday. I have a two year old angel boy who still wakes up needing my love and nurturing. And so I still need to love and nurture myself in order to purely give him all that he needs. I take my morning coffee and devote my first hour to God and his word. And follow it with an hour of physical fitness. My mind and body and spirit are now more in sync with one another. These strange times have given me more time. An extended morning to devote more than an hour to The Lord and more than an hour to nurture and fuel my body And spirit. My peace and joy are overwhelmed when I choose to look at the positivity a circumstance offers. And my Strength and trust come from my faith in God.
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Margot, this is just the best! I love what He is doing–it is always good! Bless you as you respond to His invitation for more of Him–more love, more strength, more hope, more joy. All available. Love to you this Easter! Your words are a tremendous gift–prophetic and powerful. Thank you.
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Thank you for the prompts. They always lead me in a direction that helps clear my head and after ll it comes together so beautifully and I never even know how that happens. It just be God
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Up until this past week I have felt like a bystander to all that has progressed.
The distancing, the masks, the crazy shopping trips.
My life was still a bit normal.
I have been able to work as my job position is considered essential.
As changes every week roll out before my eyes.
I go to work, walk my dog, exercise daily, make dinner for my family and then fall into bed, only to rise and do it all over again.
I do the dishes, laundry, plan meals, and the vacuuming.
For the past 8 years my husband and I have been renting our home, as a move had put us were we are.
My heart for so long was not purchase another house and lay our forever roots here.
But over the past few years my heart had softened and literally this past year we have been on a house hunt.
In February an offer was excepted, but the closing date quickly kept getting pushed back literally because of COVID-19.
Then Thursday this week happened; my husband was laid off.
With no job to secure the funds we have to let the house go right now.
My house is packed except for the essentials.
Numb, I am not sure if I have let go of this reality.
Fighting against something for so long, then finally accepting it, only to release it again.
The gravity of the pandemic has effected so many.
My friends, my family members and my co-workers.
Now it is my turn to really feel the weight of it all.
Though I turn, my turning can only be to my Heavenly Father.
As I wake in the evening hour from a deep sleep, I call on him.
I remind myself. He is in control of my life.
I search for a scripture to remind myself, he is bigger than me.
I tell Him I love Him and beg my mind to push into thoughts of His love for me.
I trust Him to make all things right.
As He knows my name, and his love never fails.
I lay it all down, the fear, the anxiety, the disappointment, and my future.
I have to believe, something better will come in the uncertain days ahead.
I believe my Heavenly Father will pick up the brokenness of the loss of the country and make it into something beautiful.
Thank you for letting me share my heart!
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Sweet Amy, this push and pull, holding tight and surrender, is beautiful. I love your heart–how you trust in Him and turn your face to Him in the midst of this disappointment. Bless you and your family as you seek His good plans, trusting that there is good coming, always good coming. I am sorry for the loss of the home. Praying for His guidance and provision now. Much love to you.
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Thank you Jennifer for all you do to encourage others! God is using you to shine His light!