letting yourself feel–attending to your mood to discover the underlying truth
Our moods are ones we tend to ignore. Or at least pay little attention to. We might nod to them briefly. Say a quick hello and back away, nervous about the power they have to claim the outcome of our day.
But to ignore them is to ignore the deeper places within us aching to speak.
I imagine there is an emotion you have felt this day that is uncomfortable–a little unpleasing to you–a feeling you wish were a bit different, a feeling you wish would listen to reason, chill out for a while, be calm and relaxed in a corner of the room: be good; don’t cause a stir. Or maybe you wish it speak up, be brave enough to stand up and have its say.
Whatever the emotion is that you’re feeling, don’t ignore it. Attend to it. Let it do what it needs to do. Feel it. Let it speak.
I invite you to pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and acknowledge what it is you actually feel. For from that place of feeling is a deeper place of truth. And your heart is desperate for this truth to come to the surface.
Will you help it?
Will you let it be discovered?
And then, with that feeling you feel, will you do one thing more? Will you write it down? Will you give the feeling shape? A name? A posture?
How does it look when it is sitting there, looking at you from across the room? Are its legs crossed? Is it jiggling its ankle with an impatient up and down bop of the foot? Is its brow furrowed? Its palms clenched? Or is it relaxed, tilting back a bit, even slouching as if in a cozy reading chair?
Don’t worry about trying to make sense of the feeling right now. Just address it. Name it. Be gentle with it–after all, you don’t want to frighten it away. You want it to stay awhile, get used to you, take off its coat and have something to eat. You want to have a conversation with this feeling; but first, begin with just sitting with it, getting comfortable with it (and having it get comfortable with you) just by endeavoring to share space in the same room.
After an awkward pause of silence or two, consider taking some notes. Try to get it talking and then write down what it says. Jot down everything you hear. Ask it where it came from, what it thinks about how this day is going, and what its plans are next.
Finally, as it starts to loosen up a bit, getting comfortable and trusting that you won’t hurt it further by your inquiries (it is imperative that it knows you are harmless–that each question you ask is for a good purpose that will benefit both of you in the long run) ask it for its permission to tell its story. And here is where you get to steer the car a bit: write down a few sentences that reveal the personality of this feeling–its hopes and dreams, its desires and fears. Get it all down. Don’t leave a thing out.
And then take a good hard look at what you’ve written.
What do you think about it?
And would you ever want to try to shape it into a poem? Share yours with the Loop Poetry Project this week. Write it as a comment below, on social media using the hashtag #looppoetryproject, or in the private Facebook group here.
love,
jennifer
The Fine Line Between Melodrama and Disorientation
Sorrow tells me I will not find myself,
recover the place within me that knew
the ease of things,
the trill of birds calling one to another,
exploding hope and promise,
while my knee aches
from overuse, I think,
and I hear the broken wall clock’s
minute-hand swing down to five-thirty
every six minutes while
my phone’s time reads phantom numbers
in the dark, and I wish I
were bike riding with you
in Amsterdam—or in Brugge when
we rode outside the city to Damme and back,
through countryside of sweet green and windmills
and a bicyclist hit a woman walking,
or she had a stroke,
and people stopped to help her,
frail and disoriented, move off the path,
and we went as far as the path would let us,
one destination to another,
to accept going nowhere as a place
we no longer refuse to go.
13 Comments
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I think of you and I smile
And I want to hear about your day
But you aren’t here
You’re away … not gone forever
But away
It’s hard for us to talk these days
I’m in one world and you’re in another
I wonder if it will ever be the same
As when you were so young and
Your smile said “I’m happy to be here!”
And we all laughed together
And we ate together and shared our stories
And talked about the future
But now is the future, and
My heart hurts and
I really miss you
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Oh, Cindi, this is so powerful and good. I love how you plunged in here–into the tender places even though, I am sure, it wasn’t easy. What was it like to write this? It is such a gift that you shared this. Thank you.
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I feel this desperately in my life!!! Thank you for writing and sharing♡
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You are so welcome, Erica. I love that you’re here! Thank you!
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The first night I saw you,
I was intrigued by your looks!
I made sure we met & talked
We talked about your music, chocolate chip cookies & Green Day!
You excited me!
Two days later I gave you chocolate chip cookies & a card that made you tear up.
The day did not end well!
Two months later & tentative emails.
Things were better & my heart.was happy
One year later & there is no communication.
I have been blocked.
A thought, a song or other minutae that I want to share hanging there in the great unsaid.
My heart hurts & my soul longs to hear your words.
I miss you!
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Our hearts struggle with the push and pull of connection–and with the longing for connection that has been lost. Thank you so much for communicating this struggle, Kim. How did it feel to write this?
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Frustration
At watching mistakes being made
Behaviour being accepted but not owned
Frustration
At tippy toeing around unacceptable behavior
Frustration at knowing you don’t see yourself that way at all
And will criticize the beloved
At another time
Feeling frustrated
And there is nothing I can do
I am outside the situation
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Lyn, this is powerful–I can feel the tension. There is much to do here-many questions to ask. I encourage you to keep pressing into this space, seeing what else God has for you to explore here. So good. Thank you.
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What if there was a curtain, hung between you and me.
A picture in my head of how things should be.
Hopes and dreams of a future; bright and free.
One different from my own reality.
Joy has come and gone.
Pain has been revealed and lives move on.
Hoping to catch up one day.
But the surprise of life came and caught me on the way.
Where did the day go?
Have they drifted into years?
I look back now and can recognize my fears.
The looks on your face.
The tone in your voice.
Unsettled at best.
But you have made your choice.
Is unhappiness still found?
Is it a place destiny sits around?
I carried you on my side,
I lifted you up as my pride.
Then one day the curtain came tumbling down.
Swirling, swirling into a sea, then carried away.
Choices made not so easily.
Every day I sit in the nothingness of regret.
Not sure I hope or pray.
But deep down in the deepest part of me,
I want to believe somehow, someway; God will repay.
On promises so true.
Trying to believe; remove myself somehow.
Grab Mr. Time-clock and run with him to turn back the hour.
It will never happen.
Moving forward, while looking back, is difficult.
Every one wants a happy ending and a bit of joy along the way.
I will grab hold of the pieces of happy as I pass along the road.
This time I will hold them close.
#looppoertyproject
@amysheahan
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I am not apologizing for the length of his writing as I am no poet. I do need to say “Thank You, Jennifer for being used by God to speak to the deepest part of my heart over the years.
…
Today, I finally made the appointment,
To meet with my DISAPPOINTMENTS!
Those many years of living in the past, because of the past disappointments…you had me convicted all these years of a crime and punishment I didn’t need to be carrying.
That settled in me as:
– a little girl, who needed and desired to be loved, but had no voice, only to be seen.
– To the teenager who withdrew because lack of encouragement, lack of quality time as Daddy’s little girl.
– To young woman searching for her true love, in all the wrong places and giving herself to all the wrong people.
– To the lover, wife, and mother you too were searching … you didn’t feel deserving of love, or happiness … so you too chose to live there in the disappointments as well!
So many Disappointments, you called me by name and I answered, each and every time. Feeling unworthy of nothing more, than disappointment!
I accepted this as my lot in life.
Until God, met me right in the midst of my biggest disappointment!
He showed me, that no man or human could never love me as only He did or will.
– You had never left me, nor forsaken me, Your Word gave me promises and spoke to me of Your Unfailing Love for me.
You were waiting patiently for me to call to You, Jesus…not to her, disappointment once again, whom I thought was my only friend.
I “Thank You” for this appointment, for meeting me here in this Priority Place, for our face to face time today. So that, I could see you, to hear from you and to finally say “Goodbye!” to all those disappointments.
I cant continue to live in these disappointments…Not for another moment.
I release myself, and my husband over to God. Surrendering all my control, my desires, goals, dreams, the what if’s, and all the disappointments of the past.
I desire to live in this moment, of accepting Who I Am, because of Gods love for me…knowing I can’t do anything differently, You have chosen me and love me.
I rest in You, in Your approval of this truth!
Gracious Holy Spirit, have Your way in my life!!
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Welcome Deborah! Thank you for sharing your journey! I connect to so much of it.
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A long walk
Through the winter cold
Yet You say
Spring is coming
Again
I see it’s messengars
arrive
Birds flowers bees
Once
So lovely to me
Yet,
Why am I
So slow to come alive
I believe, help me
I cry
Chains are broken
The door is open
Is your reply
Still I question
Can I
Fly again
Free?
This I say,
thunder rumbling
It is not You
It’s me
Tired of my blindness,
my stubborn will
Can I surrender,
Still?
Redeemed
Free
Beloved
Is this really true?
I do believe.
Help me
To see it too
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This is beautifully written! I love it!