in this new place with old relationships – will you find meaning here
How do you write new words, find new meaning, when the landscape becomes familiar? How do you find freshness? How does your heart remain awake?
What happens when what was once strange is no longer strange? What do we do when strange becomes a new normal? Does strange lose its meaning? Does meaning become strange?
What grounded us before? What grounds us now?
The answers to these questions become clear just when we feel the old patterns, once so familiar, slip away. By choice or not, the old patterns are removed and we develop new rhythms. What we once knew slipping into memory. How much can memory hold?
The days feel stretched out, unhurried. Yet I am distracted. Busy and not busy. My heart is often open–but also, sometimes, numb.
But the days fly by. How do the days fly by?
I keep events on the calendar, wanting to remember what was lost, how life has shifted. I want to not forget what life used to hold. Gatherings and journeys. Celebrations and obligations. I feel defiant, my heart both raw and strong at once, realizing that I have adopted a posture of surrender while suppressing anger against an enemy invisible and calculating and cold.
If this is war, what does it mean to push back, stand up, and fight? It might begin with gratitude. Worship. Adoration. Surrender. Praise.
Surrender, dear one. All emotions. Give them to Me. All to Me.
I give God thanks for holding Justin’s and my hands through the fire of last year–the year of our individual rounds of psychotherapy and our shared marital struggling. Last year we fought for words–and deeper understanding of our own hearts. Sanctification is not easy. Or pain-free. Our choosing to surrender and die, again and again, to our old selves, helps us now. In our marriage, in our work, in this shelter-in-place situation, we are better equipped to go forward together, knowing our Father has never dropped His gaze, never dropped His hold of our hands.
The struggle was worth it. The work of therapy was worth it. Choosing to seek new eyes to see, really see, an old way of living is always worth it. And the peace in this home, as our God led us through that fire, is a gift of that work. Thank You, Thank You. It is a gift we have to choose to pick up and work on each day, again and again and again.
What can you say about the impact of this Covid-19 pandemic on your relationships? How has it affected the atmosphere of your home? What is it like for you now, after a month of being forced to a new way of living, working, relating, with the people in your life? Can you put words, maybe in the form of a poem, to that new atmosphere now?
Write your poem in the comments below, and/or share it with the lovely community of poets in the private Loop Poetry Project Facebook group. (Click here to join.) Or share it on social media using the hashtag #loopoetryproject. I can’t wait to hear how you are doing.
Bless you, His dear ones.
with much love,
jennifer
Let me linger here
where children I know
awake from dreams,
hair tousled and wild
to leap out into day
without measuring
their steps,
swinging legs over bikes
and calling out (like a proclamation of freedom)
their peace within a day,
the natural moving from
one moment to the next
without time cajoling them
to move faster,
for they are at ease with
what they can’t control,
taking for granted agency
to determine outcome,
weigh a result with a stick or scale:
their voices calling
out to each other (I can
hear them still) to teach me
what it means to not capture life
but let it move through me,
and I drop my bold bare hands.
jennifer j. camp
7 Comments
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Moments we share; are no longer there,
the joyous laughter, as the warm air of spring
blows gently through our hair, with our grandchildren’s delight
at meeting up with friends and the love and hugs
they innocently share.now on hold.
Garden party’s out of the question, meeting friends for
Coffee, a thing of the past? And the question on everyone’s lips
How much longer will this last?
Only God has the answers, so all we can do is pray
So our dreams can come true, so Trust in Him in the middle of the storm
and he will surely answer you. He is our refuge He is our strength so be still
♥️
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Debbie, thank you so much. I appreciate the invitation to join you in this beautiful springtime setting, contrasted with the yearning for connection with people we love. Thank you.
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Time. I have a lot of it now. Yet I feel unburdened by the rest. The rest has turned into work. Work with you My Lord. Work with me. This time brings along more time together with the only One who matters. Time. I had been spending it beforehand with you; yet, it had somehow felt rushed and unsure. I want to carry your presence with me. Help me remember to slow down. Help me remember to stay connected to you throughout all of my day. I pray for more presence. To be able to slow down my mind and body so that I capture my every moment with you. Every miracle. Oh, the miracles are real. And when I slow down enough, I see them everywhere and in everything. I want to see you, Lord, in all things, beautiful and ugly. In a beautiful moment with my son, Maverick. Or even in a thick encounter with my newly separated husband. Thank you for slowing me down. mY earthly father, bless his tender and loving heart, has always said to me, “slow down Margot and take your time.” I Never knew how to receive those words, not with grace anyhow. I am ready to listen to you Father. When I take my time I can tune into your voice. My thoughts become yours. I hear you. Oh what a pleasing voice you have. I am yours. My desire to please and serve you triumphs over all that I was and all that I used to be. The spirit of the old me has been wiped clean and you’ve graced me with a new life. A New soul far away from there and so close to home. Home with you.
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Margot. I join with you in praying, sister. So beautiful. Amen.
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Silence. This ever changing time has ushered in tremendous silence.
I’ve always been comfortable with silence, at times preferring, but when it is my choice and intention.
Silence imposed by this lingering, physically and visually undetectable threat is different. You know it is out there, but don’t know how or if it will show up in your life and the life of loved ones.
Imposed silence can bring fear, anxiety and loneliness. And when it does, I turn that over to you, Lord.
Through conversation with you, by your word and spirit, examination of where those feelings are rooted can be dug up and tilled, so new rich ground can be cultivated.
When I choose to spend the imposed silence with you, I get a better understanding of myself, see where you’ve been with me and rest in the knowledge that you’re still with me, now. Being with you transforms unrest and sadness into peace and joy.
The imposed silence has allowed me to remember laugh-out-loud happy and fun times with loved ones. Phone conversations are treasured. Buying food from a restaurant providing carryout service for my little brother who stands in the gap and puts his life on the line, in service, for our community, fills me with so much happiness.
I’m learning there is a lot to discover in the imposed silence. And that I still have a choice.
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Oh, yes, there is much to learn. Much to be discovered in our hearts, especially in this midst of this tension. Your wisdom and vulnerability here is powerful and such a gift. Thank you, Jennifer.
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its had its ups and downs and it has been a little stressing also we have to disinfect ourselves and our hands and everything we touch. I had to abstain for some time from seeing my friend because I was afraid she is very propense to get sick since she has gotten the flu before and I was afraid she would die. now the beach and and the parks are open so me and my friend got happy and she picked me up and we went to her house we immediately read the Bible and had good laughs and well you could say joyous reconciliation and bonding eating and playing uno and I helped with her dishes and oh yes we prayed for everything we could think of it was so beautiful she would not stop thanking me and I would not stop loving her and her family too. I would like to ask for prayer for my mother to be more easy on me and give me more liberty to see my friend more often because of this covid. so she would trust in God more than ever and trust that we would not get sick if we see each other because I believe we are covered by the blood of Jesus. thank you dear sisters. much love to you.