declare
She speaks with authority
of life breathing hard
and good inside her,
a declaration of
what is solid and true.
What do you most believe?
For this truth—
you live it, she says.
I imagine her face,
flecks of gold spitting fire
when her eyes crinkle
so creases frame
corners of her cheeks.
Her hands are open,
fingers splayed like an
offering spilling over,
a beautiful mess.
I see goodness everywhere
in the shadows of night
and creased bedspreads
of sleeplessness,
in red-streaked prayers
and the void of no answers.
Here, she finds what she
has always known:
majesty bursts out of
the most surprising,
unexpected places where
she is held, pressure upon
the tender places
yet unsoothed.
-jennifer j. camp
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You, Jennifer are such a God send, a gift to my overwhelmed, weary and saddened heart!!! I was once in touch with the words and images of my soul burning to be written and can no longer find them under the destructive fires of loss, disappointment and fear. Your words…..bring life!! Your words articulate the condition of my heart. I have begun to lay down and surrender to Love that I have feared was as unsure, unstable and fickle as those who say they care, but whose actions say otherwise.
In the last three weeks I have experienced the immobilizing weight of fear of the unknown (neither expected outcome what any human being would choose)…(regarding my unborn granddaughter), and in addition, needing to have open heart surgery next month… in time to recover before either… grieve my granddaughter’s death or prepare for her to live a life with the unfathomable pain of broken bones and severe disabilities. (My son and his girlfriend are living with us, and of course hurting…a heavy load this mamma’s heart!)
Lonely, isolated, and in the midst of my pain…..God allowed me to find your Rush podcast!! It has kept me. I have gone to bed with such incredible anxiety with wireless earbuds allowing it to play through the night…and every time I was awakened, even for a moment, I would hear a phrase or statement that was exactly naming a facet of my pain!!
In the morning, I have spent hours listening from a chair in the corner of my bedroom weeping, attempting to genuinely believe that I am loved and offer up my pain for more than 1/2 a day, before the weight of my sorrows seems to blanket me yet again. (Throwing off that weight seems to be something I have to choose to do over and over!)
I love reading your amazing poetry, your blog, and listening! Although we have not met face to face, I feel your heart for women, myself included, and consider you dear to me! Thank-you for being a loving sister in Christ! I call you friend! Your vulnerability, your willingness to share the words of Holy Spirit, and all of your amazing gifting, is a treasure that I appreciate and am soooo thankful for in this season!! (I plan to get your Breathing Eden for reading in my recovery! On my Amazon wish list!! Woo-hoo!!) Much love, dear Jennifer! ❤️