because you want to feel fine
I sit in near darkness at noon. Outside is an orange sherbert sky. We go outside mid-morning to take photos. To remember the strangeness that we hope isn’t a new normal. To record the upside down. To note the unbelievable: it feels like the sun didn’t rise.
Friends implore social media to pray: “We are evacuating, but we’re okay.” “John got up at 3 am to drive to the house to dig trenches around the property, hoping the ditches will deter the flames from reaching the house.” “Pray for my parent’s home. They are safe, but the fire is really close now.”
I join with my friends in praying. For the wildfires to subside. For protection and peace. For hope and light to fill our hearts. For a cure for Covid. For my heart to stay connected to Jesus. For help for the hurting and the broken, the weary and the lonely. For our voices to cry out to the One who loves us. For God, our hope, to be our protection in this desperate season.
Jesus, keep our eyes on you.
I once learned from the wise and kind John Eldrege how “Henri Nouwen once asked Mother Teresa for spiritual direction. Spend one hour each day in adoration of your Lord, she said, and never do anything you know is wrong. Follow this and you’ll be fine.”
You’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.
I want to feel fine. I want to feel whole. I want to feel loved. I want to feel safe. I want to feel desired. I want to feel joy. I want to feel hope. I want to feel peace. I want to feel inspired. I want to feel encouraged. I want to feel confident. I want to feel solid. I want to feel known. I want to feel God in me.
So I look for wisdom from sages who love Jesus, and I take steps to do what they did. Adoring Jesus. Adoring God. Surrendering to him my mind, my imagination, my heart and letting God lead. Not writing anything down for 45 minutes so I am not distracted by handwriting or incoherent thoughts or trying to get details down. 45 minutes of focusing my attention on God and on Jesus: eyes closed, heart open, instrumental music often playing in my ears so I can block out noises around me. Then 15 minutes of conversing first with God and then with Jesus–and writing it down.
Because I want to feel fine.
For the Loop Poetry Project this week, consider writing a poem only after spending time in meditation first. It doesn’t have to be for 45 or 60 minutes. But consider writing from an unrushed state, after having spent a period of time surrendering to God your heart–giving him your full attention. The poem doesn’t have to be one of adoration. (Although, of course, it can!) But let your heart lead you. Find words for ideas that come after spending time with God. You might write about a memory, or an imaginative scene. You might write about an emotion or a specific observation or a problem or a hurt or a dream. You might write about a conversation–or your feelings about love or death or orange sky.
Write a poem about feeling or not feeing fine.
I can’t wait to read it. In addition to sharing your poem as a comment below, you can also share it with the community at Loop Poetry Project, a private Facebook group for women writing for personal wholeness. (It’s a very caring and kind group.)
Much love to you, beautiful friends,
Jennifer
How Beautiful It is
When the girls and boys in drama class gather
around each other in groups of five and three
they are not pretending to be kind
like they know how to make love look
authentic better than we do
and I am mesmerized by their care
for one another, as well as their
jocularity and their
comfortableness with quiet,
the choice to not speak a word
or paint their hair red or yellow or purple
or sing loud broadway tunes
or reach their arms around one another
when they are sad and cry
and I wonder
if I grasped this freedom when
I was younger if I would not
observe love from afar but dance around it
and let it swallow me whole
even while I melt with angst
and beg you to accept me just as I am
right now,
how beautiful it is to be loved.
26 Comments
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Hi Jennifer, I would love to be a part of this journey with you and your husband.
I will pray.
Also, I’d like to know what happened to Loop, I stopped receiving it in my email and I enjoyed it so much.
With all this distress, you may have found it necessary to put it on hold. Please let me know….
God is bigger than all of this.
I will pray ❤️🙏
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Hi Jennifer from Australia where we too experienced devastating fires this year. The uncertainty & devastating effects of these fires seem so wrong, but through it all we know God’s sovereignty & steadfastness.
I pray you will be surrounded by God’s peace and protection for you all at this time
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Hi Cassie! Yes, He is good, despite suffering in this world. Thank you for your prayers. He is so good. Bless you!
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Hi Carole,
It is so wonderful to see you here. Loop continues to be sent out. I will look into why you have stopped receiving the weekly devotions. Thank you for letting me know.
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I join my heart to Father’s in prayer for you all. I cannot imagine the feelings, very real ones. The same God who delivers the Hebrew boys from their fiery ordeal shall indeed deliver you.
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AMEN! Well said
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Hi, Deborah! Thank you!
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Prayers from Minnesota..In God We Trust ✝️
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Bless you, Kimmi. Thank you!
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Glow
I am mesmerized.
The skies are bright with a glow.
I have only seen this glow in a movie, created by filters and cameras…
Today, I know it is caused by fires that rage.
Raging throughout our state, with no thought, but to consume everything in its path.
In the chaos that is very present in our world right now…
fires
loss
Covid
unemployment
homelessness
death
anger
fear
and hopelessness for many.
There are so many things we are all facing.
Heavenly Father, I cling to Your word.
I cling to the thought… that You knew this time would come.
Abba, You knew.
I cling to Your promise to never leave me.
I cling to the idea that You could give me
p e a c e.
Prince of peace, I accept You and I pray for many to find Your peace today.
I pray we unite in prayer for our communities to find Your love.
Abba, in every situation, may Your peace fill them.
amen
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Amen hallelujah 🙏
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Thank you. That’s beautiful 💖
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Thank you. That’s beautiful
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Tia, I am so grateful for your poem and your prayer. Yes! Amen!
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Hi I’m also in Australia. I’m praying for you all in California also. I wrote this during a different storm in my life, while I was emerging from a dark season of depression and anxiety. I remembered in the past I was challenged to write what I know is true so this is part of what came out.
You Are.
The planets and the comets, shooting stars and northern lights, the sun moon and stars
Displaying your magnificence and magnitude
The perfect minute fingers and toes on a newborn delicately formed at your command
The petals on the tiniest of flowers,
Show us the creativity with which you also designed the minuscule
You are Holy, Worthy of all praise
Let all within us praise your name
Jesus Christ the lion of the tribe of Judah
Bright morning star
King high above all kings
Lord above all lords
The perfect spotless lamb who was slain in our place
Who now lives and reigns forever
Hallelujah
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Stacy, such a beautiful poem of truth and hope and praise. Thank you!!
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Nothing
There is nothing too hard for you.
You make it rain when it’s dry. You set the rainbow in the sky.
There is nothing too hard for you.
You turn things around when it looks like there is no hope.
You take my hand when I’m at the end of my rope.
I cry out to you when I am in distress
And you tell me, my child enter, into my rest.
There is nothing so big that you can’t make it small
No, there is nothing too hard for you at all!
You put out the fires that are blazing, all that you do is so amazing.
I pray that God will pour his Holy water over the fires that threaten you life, in Jesus Holy name!
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.
Though you walk through the fire you will not be burned, not even the smell of smoke will be on your clothes!
Copyright by Sandra Collins
Hi Jennifer,
I love your emails, and encouraging words
They have helped me so much.
I write poetry, and God has given me so many beautiful inspirations, that has brought me through my darkness of depression, and anxious thoughts.
But I have no one to share them with.
Thank you for the opportunity to do so with you!
God bless you, I am praying for the safety of you and your loved ones. I hope these words encourage you.
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Dear Sandra, your words are a deep encouragement to me. Thank you so much for sharing your poem here. Bless you as you continue to write with Him. I pray you feel His presence with you.
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To Be Well
Have I ever known what it is to be more than just okay?
I cannot answer that in whole truth
I know the peace I finally feel in my heart when I spend time investing in my relationship with the Father
Otherwise, I feel like I am just going through the motions
One mistake leading to another
Everything is upside down
Particularly now
My logical mind says I should have it all together by now
A life wrapped up in a beautifully wrapped box, adorned with a glorious golden bow
But that is not so
I vowed to break the generational curses
Here I sit, feeling bound by the heaviness of their weight
It isn’t a drug or a drink that keeps me in the struggle
But a mind wrought with what should have, what could have
A glimmer of hope seems just out of reach
A flame that seems to waver, in a dance that my eyes catch just long enough to know it is there
I live for that light
As if God says, it is here, it is done
It waits for only you
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Christina,
This is so ME! Thank you for sharing “To Be Well.”
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Christina, He is with you, pursuing you. You know this.
And I can completely relate to this frustration of feeling stuck–and the burden of generational sin.
He is for you. He is with you. He is not letting you go. He has your healing. He will not stop holding you, right here, and continuing to show you the additional layers of freedom for you.
God bless you. Come, Jesus. Amen.
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I seen her again, it’s usually early in the morning.
Its usually dark outside and in the flicker of the light,
Or as she sits down to begin her daily regime
The lost girl, the girl who is waiting to be found.
The girl who longs to hear the words I love you from someone she didn’t birth.
The girl who preaches and teaches, grace but finds it hard to receive it.
Times are changing, God is near, nearer than ever before.
She knows this and there is that sliver of hope in her eyes and in her smile.
It’s coming, HE promised. If she can keep that hope it will be fine.
She knows this.
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♥️
Bless you
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Valarie, oh, He loves that girl. He knows that girl. He is with her. Yes, there is so much more. Bless you as you receive it.
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Prayers from Tucson Az , for safety , peace & comfort during this time ! May God bless you !
Blessings ,
Toni
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Hi, Toni! Thank you! God bless you! It is wonderful to see you here!