because prayer is more than words
I used to think prayer required words. Words to express thoughts. Words to articulate feelings. Words to coax quiet places out of hiding. Words to claim truth. Words to encourage life.
Words were something I believed I never had enough of. Or, at least, not the right ones.
And I believed that to engage with God, words were required. After all, words form story. Words shape meaning. Ideas. Dreams.
And how could conversation with God–prayer–not involve words? How can communication take place without them?
That’s what I used to think.
When my heart couldn’t find its way to God, I filled journals with words. My words. His words. It was through the words of conversation that God’s voice wrapped itself around me and became my new home.
Then two years ago, in the middle of a year of therapy and the pursuit of a ton of healing, I struggled to find words to talk to God. My heart was hurting, and I didn’t trust my own thoughts. And the thoughts I did have I struggled to articulate. So I tried to communicate with God using a different approach: writing poetry. It helped more than I could imagine–an amazing tool to tap into deeper emotions and ideas that were otherwise uncovered.
But still. Just an overreliance on words.
Aren’t words sometimes limiting? Can words possibly hold everything of a life? Of an idea? Of a dream? While I believe that words can be a springboard for healing, are they really the healing itself?
And prayer? Isn’t prayer–conversation with God–limited when we rely purely on words? Isn’t connection with God, just like connection with another person, something that can be experienced in a place deeper than words? A place where words are, perhaps, born, but not required for connection to occur?
When I look at my journals lately, I am finding fewer and fewer words scribbled inside. It is not that I am praying less. But my conversations with God and Jesus and Holy Spirit these last few weeks, particularly, have been more experiences of listening and watching–being close to Jesus in scenes of His life while on earth, walking around with Him, holding His hand. Or sitting with Peter in his anguish within the high priest’s gate. Or huddling in heartbreak with Mary at the foot of the cross for the hours of Jesus’ suffering, in agony and pain.
I believe this is prayer. And these last few weeks my heart is too heavy for words. How can I ask God how He is feeling about the suffering of His son while He watches Him on the cross? How can I ask Jesus what He is thinking when He is interrogated by the high priests and tortured by the entire company of Roman guards? I can’t bear it.
While words fail me. God’s and Jesus’ and Holy Spirit’s presence does not. And I am calling this prayer. And I will choose this any day. Whatever it takes to be close to Him. In all seasons. In all moments.
I trust the words will come again. They will be useful. And I still bring my journal with me when I sit in the Trinity’s presence and go on adventrues with them. But filled pages of a journal does not determine my connection with God. And, words or not, I don’t want anything holding me back–not from the Life Jesus is offering me now.
How is your heart in this season? At the end of Lent? After a year of isolation due to Covid? Have you joined us for writing poetry with the most kind, lovely women in the private group, Loop Poetry Project? Or are you staying quiet in these weeks? Have you been able to access your deeper feelings? What are you doing to allow God in?
Please let me know in the comments–or send me an email. I’d love to connect with you.
Bless you, dear friends. May the love of our risen Savior comfort you and lift your heart now.
Jennifer
6 Comments
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Prayer…..the art of listening and having eyes and ears that are open to hear our Creator speak in many ways. My Father, My Savior and the Holy Spirit have spoken to me while running or walking…..sitting on my porch while cool breezes embrace me, butterflies and hummingbirds flying about, birds singing as their colors capture my eye and the sweet aroma of honeysuckle that consumes me. The Lord’s Presence that is always with me…..at the beach or in the laundry room. God’s Word……His Absolute truth soaks into the deep recesses of my mind and soul and then I speak those words back to Jesus in prayer or praying for others. Music…..singing or writing music communicates deeply with our God who delights and sings over me!!! God is pleased when our first thought is thanking Him or asking for His Wisdom and Guidance! I have been journaling ALOT since Jan 2021…..and living in Divine Peace among the chaos in our nation. Sit, Rest, Read, Listen, Sing, and Soak in all the Lord has each day!!! That is my prayer for you all!!!! Have a blessed and victorious Easter! Jesus Lives and Reigns in Heaven🙌🙌 Hallelujah
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Jennifer, thank you so much for your wisdom here. I totally agree with your definition of prayer and so appreciate your sharing examples of what it looks like in your life. Just beautiful and all-encompassing–these opportunities to engage and be in His presence. Bless you, sister, this Easter!
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Dearest Jennifer, I am really truly trying to make a deeper connection with our Triune God Almighty. Every now and then I feel Him connecting with me when I read certain scriptures and those very scriptures keep showing up throughout that particular day. However, what I would love most is to always have a 2 way conversation between Him and myself. I really feel as though it’s just a one sided conversation and I’m the only one who is talking. Please pray for me that Abba Father will open up other avenues to communicate with me through His Holy Son and Holy Spirit. I love you Sister Jennifer and always love to read your letters and Holy Spirit’s words through you. I believe that you have such an anointing over your ministry!! A blessing that I wish I had. I thank you so very much for your ministry, love your Sister in Christ, Diana!!
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I know I can go deeper. I used to write a lot of poetry when I was younger. I used to write in general more up until the start of 2020. I think life happened and I began to vent to others things I probably should be talking to the Trinity more. I used to go to parks last year until my late daddy(rest in peace) forbade me to go back to my favorite park with the lake because I thought to walk in it and felt life was too much of a struggle to stay on land. (So glad Abba reminded me of his great love for me)
I think I’ll try again to go to the park when the weather is consistent in warmth. I love when the Sun shines on me because it reminds me that Abba makes his face shine upon me.
I used to draw more as well.. even prophetic drawings.. that takes intentionality on my end.
I should do that more so I can go to that deep place with him.
I became a little numb after my Dad passed last year.. the one who Taught me who Jesus was and the one who I gleaned wisdom from to understand biblical reading, and it’s been really tough to get back in alignment again. I lived for my Dad and now.. I need to remember that it’s the Trinity that I truly needed and need to live for.
I also dance. I still do feel compelled to dance and that is when I feel the closest because Jesus dance with me and his spirit moves me.
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This was super helpful for me to read. Sometimes, the numbness of this past year wears off and I feel raw. Words for what this has felt like come painfully slow, and words to our savior for what I want to say are scarce, and I cannot seem to find them. But, yes! I can just sit in his presence! He does not require words, but just my presence and my willingness to be with him. This is where he meets me, and that’s all that’s necessary. Hallelujah! Thanks for the reminder! You are a blessing indeed! The lord never fails us. Happy Easter. He is risen!!!
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Yes I love to meet with Jesus every morning. My singing and reading to him brings me joy in my spirit sometime I do to much talking I have to learn how to get quiet and listen to Jesus. I wonder sometimes is that me speaking or Jesus speaking to me .I’m asking Jesus to open up my ears so I can hear ,open my heart so I can receive. I ran back to my first love I’m honor to no that he loves me unconditionally. So I will continue to seek Jesus with everything that is in me, because I love him and want a relationship with my father. Learning to let go and let God complete his perfect work in me.